#and i can only eat in the evenings | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

leadmeastraylittlefairy · 11 months ago

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#don’t read this if you don’t want to hear about weight loss (unintentional due to health issues)#i’ve been struggling really bad to eat for the latter half of this year which is something i’ve been having issues w the last couple years #but with weed i was still able to eat decent meals and snacks in the evening and i had been slowly gaining weight until this summer #and i’ve always been a little chunky #but i’ve lost at least 30 pounds in the last ~6 months bc i am just unable to eat really at all #everything makes me nauseous or want to gag and when i cook meals i can make myself eat a couple bites so im not starving any more but #i can’t finish anything #and i can only eat in the evenings #from the time i wake up till about 8pm i maybe have a box of apple juice #and ive had a couple appts w my primary care dr and she straight up doesn’t care i asked for an appetite stimulant previously and she just #upped my migraine med instead….and then when i went back and had lost more weight she said she couldn’t even give me #an appetite stimulant and that i would need a referral for a nutritionist…….#and that she wouldn’t be concerned at all if i weren’t losing weight…#and today i was complaining to my mom about how loose my leggings were and i really don’t want to buy new clothes and she was like you know #that’s actually a good thing #you starving every day for fucking months is a good thing actually :)))))))#i’m just so sick of it…i’m sick of my coworkers complimenting me when i am starving and can’t do anything about it….sick of my doctor not #caring bc im still overweight so since i don’t look like im dying it must not be a problem #i don’t know what’s causing this and i don’t know what to do……i miss enjoying food it was one of the very few pleasures i have in life #im tired of unintentionally being an asshole at work bc im so hungry and i feel like shit but if i try to eat ill vom #cant watch food videos on youtube anymore bc they make me ill #cant read anything that mentions food or describes what people are eating anymore bc it makes me gag #im just sick of this #maybe i’ll try to find a new doctor #as if i can afford to go

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kaahmbem · 2 months ago

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legend has it that the young witch circe and the once beautiful nymph scylla shared a complicated past...

#art #cirscylla #that's the ship name i like for them best anyway #circe #scylla #greek mythology #welcome to my greek mythos yuri #DOOMED YURI #circylla #epic the musical #do i even tag it as that? i think i should cuz epic is the reason im so into greek mythos #jorge said we might get a spinoff about their backstory and im insane over that #i know it's probably going to be about how circe loved that one guy but still a girl can dream #this is them but younger! before circe turns scylla into the horrific man-eating monster that even poseiden fears #there's just so much potential here #consider a younger and much warier circe landing on the island for the first time after being outcasted by her family for her magic #and she meets scylla there who back then is a much happier and playful person #enemies to lovers to enemies again #i don't know if they ever make it to lovers or if they were only an almost #they're about to have the worst breakup in greek history #im rambling in tags MY BAD

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kittykalliarts · 1 year ago

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For decades, the blank vision that Iudex Neuvillette wears near his heart has been subject to much discussion in Fontaine. Nobody remembers who it had once belonged to or why the ancient dragon protected it so jealously. It is said that if the Chief Justice would to stare at it for a long while, it would be sure to rain right after. Oh, how beloved that person must've been.

#genshin impact #genshin fanart #neuvillette #visions #wriolette #wriollette #neuvithesley #myart #sorry for the short drabble?#kasndkansd i have emotions over a simple thought i had #the tragedy for someone eternal to fall for someone who's here for only a brief moment eats away at me hhhh #it started with a funny thought of IF neuvillette needs to carry a fake vision for some reason after laughing at the archons for it #and then i remembered how people like kazuha would hold onto their loved one's masterless vision after they died #one thing led to another and now we have some wriolette angst with neuvillette cherishing wrio's masterless vision #after his inevitable passing #and idk if its just the traveller or if its even canon #but i like to think that neuv being a sovereign he would be able to hear the ambition of one's vision and maybe just maybe #he can use wrio's masterless vision to listen to his voice albeit ever so softly

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lazylittledragon · 7 months ago

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i refuse to believe that boycotting is hard. my favourite thing in the world is ordering maccies after a late night at work/a concert/getting drunk. yes i do miss it sometimes. but the other night i ordered from a small place near my house instead and it was the most orgasmic burger i've ever had in my life. i very rarely say this but fucking suck it up people are DEAD

#ramble #also only 0.29 delivery instead of 3.99 #and chilli cheese bites #i swear to god the best food you'll ever eat while drunk is from the tiny shithole that's open until 4am #if you're refusing to do literally the smallest thing you can do to help then i have questions #it's FOOD. you'll survive #it's not even NECESSARY food #if it was like a chain grocery place and you don't have access to anything else then i would understand #but it's just NOT #make your own coffee for the love of god #when there is NOTHING you can do to stop this fucking tragedy. and let's be honest there isn't a lot normal people can do #and people say to you 'do this insignificant thing just to show that you even CARE'#and you DON'T do that???? what is actually wrong with you #also i've been worried about this since my last post about sbucks but this is Not an attack on the people who WORK at the boycotted places #because it is an absolute privilege to be able to leave your job and immediately find a new one

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dlldior · 3 months ago

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i'm sorry but why does sebastian look like a mourning dad who can't accept the fact that his child is dead so he keeps reading to him every night out of habit

#dadbastian but TWISTED >:(#look he even made him tea the way he normally would!#okay no but this is actually super sad #can someone write a oneshot about this i'd eat that shit up #that ciel in wonderland ova felt like i was on acid the entire time this is the only way i can make it bearable #im begging someome PLEASE write this #sebastian in his mentally unstable sad dad era #i don't really like season 2 or the ovas but this scene stuck out to me #dadbastian #kuroshitpost #sebastian michaelis #black butler #kuroshitsuji #ciel phantomhive #mombastian

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iamhereinthebg · 4 months ago

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I can now die in peace

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icewindandboringhorror · 2 months ago

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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?

*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)

*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)

(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )

(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)

#polls #tumblr polls #I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup #the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli #section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff #so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just #blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most #neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol #I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me #but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T #I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee #person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times #But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol #And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly #When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one #sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it #Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something #Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and #coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single #coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to #have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus #make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as #possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get #to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol

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s0fter-sin · 12 days ago

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something people just don’t think about is how often chronically ill and disabled people just don’t have access to good food. not healthy food, good food; well made, tasty meals that don’t come from a jar or a freezer. how many of us are housebound or can’t drive? delivery services only offer within certain distances, if you live outside a city they aren’t an option. many people don’t have the energy or ability to cook for themselves if they have the skill to begin with. many certainly don’t have the ability to learn how. it’s something that goes completely unnoticed, just the opportunity to have a good meal and how much that wears you down

#all i want is chinese food #the closest one to me is 40 minutes away and its a /bad/ chinese place #its my worst option and its not even an option #‘fried rice is easy to make heres a recipe!’#i cant use a stove bc the heat will give me a seizure #even if i keep myself cool something that should take 15 minutes will take upwards of an hour bc i need to take breaks #even then ill probably be too nauseous to eat it after being active for so long #all of that for a bad cooks version of fried rice #more expensive and worse than a takeaway place #but i cant get it from a takeaway place #repeat ad nauseum for the rest of my life and is it any wonder im so sick of the same food ive eaten for 10 years #the only time i get takeaway is when my parents decide to go out and bring something home #can you imagine living like that for the rest of your life?#i dont have to #and its so dumb to want to cry over rice #but its not really about the rice is it #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #spoonie #chronic illness #disability #pots #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #ehlers danlos syndrome #fibromyalgia #chronic fatigue #chronically ill #mental illness #mental health

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shalom-iamcominghome · 2 months ago

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I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.

This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.

This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.

But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.

I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.

I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.

I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.

I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.

#jumblr #jew by choice #jewish conversion #personal thoughts tag #abuse tw #i am not sharing this for the sake of pity and i also ask not to be told to divulge my abuse story. that isn't relevant #i have been needing to engage with this topic for a long time though and judaism has helped me a bit in navigating healing #but i decided to share this publicly in the hopes it will help other survivors specifically of familial/parental abuse #i know how it feels (in general). it's so lonely and you can really harbor (understandable) baggage about this particular commandment #i have a meeting with My Rabbi (sponsoring rabbi) and i might bring this up. we've only spoken once face-to-face (zoom)#so that might be really Intense to bring up to him but he is very kind and i trust him (which is why he is My Rabbi)#and he has already told me that he WANTS me to wrestle with g-d and His word *with* him #again i am posting this publicly so i can document my thoughts and keep them straight but also with the hope it MIGHT help others #if it even *casually* inspires another survivor i will feel so grateful (though it is THEIR achievement and not mine to claim)#i want us to survive. i want us to eat well. i want us to smile #i will say that this must be a very sudden whiplash in tone from my last post about sex. from sex to awful horrific abuse #my stream of consciousness is just Like This though in the sense that i have very sudden realizations and tonal whiplashes #so you're just getting a very frank look into how my brain is structured and what my brain thinks are important enough to think about #if i seem much more verbose it's because i needed to write this on my laptop which makes typing and more importantly yapping even *easier*

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the-faultofdaedalus · 2 months ago

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follow up question. if it’s ok to eat figs bc the wasp was already digested by the plant exactly /how/ digested to things have to be for their consumer to be considered vegan

#also someone said the wasps die of their own free will and. kinda.#it’s a male flower the wasp goes in and lays her eggs and leaves #but if it’s a female she can’t lay eggs and dies in there #and that is all fig fruits. that’s how they get pollinated #the wasp and the fig are both using eachother.#the wasp does not want to die in a fruit without laying her egg #so ok. stretch it. is eating carnivorous plants ok.#is eating something that can only grow and exist #because it is predating off an animal #even though it is not itself an animal #ok.#listen this is not discourse about like. vegan ethics and shit.#this is just. where is the line. and why.#because i think it’s interesting

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driftingballoons · 5 months ago

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It’s like having a purebred dog and a possum you found in the dumpster

#snivy #volcarona #pokemon doodles #original art #Specifically remembering the volcarona you could catch in Relic Castle #managed to get the lvl 70 one #Imagine you’re seen as a deity #Chilling in your ruins #and you’re suddenly captured by some kid #now you eat kibble out of a dog bowl and live in a ball #Anyway I just think it’s funny #Bc the starters are only “starters” bc they’re supposed to be like…idk more comfortable with ppl or whatever. More tame #But the moment you leave your hometown you can just start catching real wild animals #Anyway I love my feral volcarona even if it touches a rock and dies #it’s fine

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fumifooms · 5 months ago

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What if we were both magic prodigies and it otherized us in different ways and we devoted ourselves to protecting a family member who has general other goals & priorities. What if we both did self-sacrifical devotion in opposite ways.

What if we were dark mirrors of each other and where I've grown overcontrolling you've grown complacent. What if, bought as a servant into a pretty loving home, ownership and control is what love looks like to me, and to you neglected and lonely growing up, love is gratefully taking any scraps of it you’re lent.

By belonging to someone, even if she comes back injured or fails at finding Delgal, she feels like she belongs and is cherished, by owning someone he feels safe in them not leaving him.

She’s what’s tethering him do you see… And he’s the only thing giving her direction and purpose in her state. She needs a compass and he needs a support.

They’re both so out of it 😭 It’s the weirdly intense and unearned mutual trust and reliance on each other?? They’re each other’s weird little comfort codependent teddy bear. Or at least they were headed towards that before SHE DIED THEN HE DIED THEN THEY BOTH FORGOT ABOUT EACH OTHER AND NEVER MET EVER AGAIN. Though she’s also the guard attack hound keeping him safe… And vice versa he heals her and can rewrite her very being with just one wave of his hand. They’re both so so mentally and physically vulnerable both but they cling onto each other. They can’t perceive things accurately but despite it all someway somehow they stumble into something closer to resembling companionship just before they both die. Falin is just that kind and Thistle is just that lonely. Overworked. We both haven’t lived for ourselves in a very long time, haven’t we.

They both have a similar devotion to the people they love but again the difference is that Thistle starts overtsepping while Falin is self-effacing. The other difference between them is that people care about Falin <3 People have given up on Thistle long ago, and he has given people reasons to, while people refuse to give up on Falin. Yaad has a mini arc about it dw about it it’s ok he’s not all alone in the end 😭😭 He reached out for Marcille’s hand but they already all wanted to help him, they just had to be given the chance to, Yaad just had to be given the chance to, it’s okay I’m okay

Hey what if we learned to get in touch with our own identity and the world around us and living in the present again through being in the worst codependent situationship ever.

Falin and Thistle sitting in a tree, sucking on flowers together because they’re h-u-n-g-r-y 💕💕💕

I bet he’s only ever thought of flowers as useless ornaments. Weak weeds. But she shows him they’re tasty and useful and good and pretty in their own right too and deserve existing without proving their worth and waaa <33 Thistles…... Did you know thistles taste sweet if you remove the thorns and eat them?

"Even as a chimera, her kind nature remains" you can’t suppress her in the way that matters. You can’t soothe him in the way that matters. It’s doomed. You’re doomed. It’s all doomed. Save me.